It’s not easy to change, so just make a decision and start training yourself not to be used, ask a specialist’s help it always work out. So a big disadvantage of being too nice is that you forget to treat yourself nicely, that’s why you’ll not be as happy as you need. The following are signs that your being nice is working against you: 1. She knocks herself out to be ingratiating to everyone in the world, including the child molester down the street. So a big disadvantage of being too nice is that you forget to treat yourself nicely, that’s why you’ll not be as happy as you need. But along with this, you can say no, take care of yourself as well as others, be assertive and honest without being aggressive and hurtful. Love, Angela. Disadvantages Of Being Too Nice - Daily Zens. The problem with being too nice is that people start taking you for granted. His mannerism was extremely serious. I'm not interested in intimacy." That's what being an adult is about. My friend's mom said that they could drive, but it quickly turned into could my mom pick them up and drive us. Now don't get me wrong, I do not believe in domestic violence, but I sure understand it. But after some time working on it (and still working on it) i have learned it's all about balance. Passive behaviour is where you sacrifice your own preferences and needs, so that you can help others to meet their preferences and needs. Being honest to others is being honest to oneself, Reply to Anthony Vaughan (messagesfromme_llv), Quote Anthony Vaughan (messagesfromme_llv), Agreeableness is killing medicine and psychology, I wish it were true that niceness always works but. But having the neurotic desire to be nice is dangerous for a number of reasons. She does openly talk about bipolar in her family but its no real excuse, she is bitter toward the world and people. Life is win-win as much as possible. Bookmark this article. being too good for someone being stupid being wealthy I/we get looked at as a piece of meat... it sucks. Listen you have another 30+ years of life to live and while you live those years you need to be able to have a perspective on this topic that fits who you are "which is a kind person" ... so it's not about finding a narrative that works for you! What hog wash. They always give others the benefit of the doubt, are ready to give a hand, or volunteer for that task that no one wants. - 19 November, 2018. John, the nice guy is friend zoned even after being there for his love in the toughest of times.On the other hand Justin, the cool guy is able to impress the girl with his charming personality and ultimately win over her. But if you’re always the nice guy, if it’s your 24/7 public persona, there are often psychological dangers lurking below that friendly surface, a downside that can take its toll. If you have spent your life figuring out what makes people human, and accepting it then you shouldn't have a breakdown from all that niceness. They married nice, good women, some are very pretty. Your parents got you to put yourself last, ignore your own needs, and put on an act for them. i have found great comfort in exploring in great depth the Myers Briggs Personality types . You cannot possibly work together as a team if one of you is in the dark because of the other's fear of offending you. Answer by Akshaya Iyer: Once I had a friend who was actually being too nice to people. And also an advice that worked for me - Between guilt and resentment, choose guilt. A new theory aims to make sense of it all. Unless you’re on some major and highly effective medications, probably not. by SanTrans So, unfortunately (maybe it was not a best line), but it came down to "No. You should not need to protect others from who you are, your thoughts and feelings. The only danger is those that cannot comprehend "being nice" will make up asinine stories to explain it away. Ironically, most people are displeased by people-pleasing. 1. When Being Too Nice Backfires. - 30 September, 2019. The fucked you up. A values-driven life comes out of your values, your core beliefs as an adult of how to be with others. If you are consistently nice, and you have some kind of resentment then that is your problem (although this could be the what you addressing here, as the ONLY reason for being nice). not sure about med onc. In this post, we’ll break it all … So true Anna. And yes, being the attractive person would be better Never been able to do so myself. Some of the disadvantages of being a cosmetologist are low salary, long hours, and difficult customers. She caterwauled hysterically and noisily, and it wasn't 15 minutes after I got home, my phone started ringing with my brothers and sisters demanding to know what I "did to Ma." That was the problem. -jm. People may be clawing their way up the corporate ladder to get an edge over their very own friends and work colleagues. i asked a seasoned rad onc of 25+ years today about firing these kinds of patients. Many of us can connect to … The proper response to a 15 minute medication visit demand is a long string of expletives. No, dude. Here's a scenario: child molester moves into your neighborhood, you and the neighbors shun him. There are so many advantages and disadvantages to any job you have. Honesty is essentially what setting boundaries is all about, but honesty is also the driver of intimacy. Thank you for sharing that. Yes I've tried counseling to no avail whatsoever. Through trial and error, I learned that goodness is not the same thing as passiveness, and it is always better to act instead of react. He treated me as if I were an intelligent human being, capable of taking what he told me and making rational decisions based upon it. This is a bit extreme. Nice people are too … You said "as an adult, I confronted her about it once" what exactly did you say while confronting her? Share using Email. However, many people are just courteous. If they were also gorgeous, that would be mentioned before the niceness. Excess of anything is bad. He retired. Under such steady verbal abuse, you vow to try harder, not screw up, be even nicer, but whatever you do is never good enough; fault, mistakes, and incriminations are around every corner. How about being yourself? but not all or even most. I am kind, compassionate, honest, and caring but don't mess with me. Rejection hurts. 'Its her personality'. Not to forget, Too nice people don’t remain too nice till the end. Paul Meehl talked about this 45 years ago in a famous paper. As long as you understand that people have human qualities, just like you, you can accept that every exchange will not be perfect. The ability to survive, thrive, and live in a healthy way is found in balancing these facets of the human condition. That way if I happen to be nice to people, they will view it as a special occasion. It's truly a great tool for self-growth. I like this topic, and this is quite on target. Nothing ever helps me really understand this unaddressed issue in my life. What that means is that I am too nice. Which means at times you may have to make yourself the priority and say no, upset some people but thats ok. . — or expecting them to realize what you need and give it to you, even though you never say what those needs are. 6 Possible Causes, 10 Signs You're in a Relationship With a Passive-Aggressive, Dealing with Passive-Aggressives Without Losing Your Mind, 6 Tips for Dealing With Passive-Aggressive People. In a situation when I am a magnet of attention, being funny and friendly, men mistake it for a personal invitation. If you do all the heavy lifting all of the time, you are prone to periodic collapse. If I have to spell it out, then I do it. What’s the New Phenomenon Called “COVID Vaccine Arm”? Enter your password below to link accounts: Link your account to a new Freelancer account, Colleagues will take advantage of you and you’ll end up doing extra work without any benefits except words like: “you made my day” or “ you are the nicest person I know”, and when it comes to promotions you’ll mostly find some difficulties because people think that, nice guys usually don't make great managers”. This is great if you are being paid to do this specifically by a client; not so much if you are doin… 0 . He is the author of 11 books and over 300 articles and provides training nationally and internationally. I've said it elsewhere, but one can no longer be both agreeable and conscientious at the same time in this field. Lost my life through being too nice and I think people may well see me as not nice as I am frustrated and angry by how many times people target us nice people to milk for what they can get . Get the help you need from a therapist near you–a FREE service from Psychology Today. Being stereotyped with these: Being conceited. Therefore, … How about not lying to yourself or others about how you honestly feel? If you are nice and people are rotten that is their problem. The other 8 types are distinct and each has sub-types and other influences, so it's a very nuanced, perceptive, profound, and insightful system. Push back against the critical voices. It was mainly because my mom refused to let me make my own decisions, and she/herself could not say no when my friend's mom asked to her to tell me to do whatever at church. Can you expand on when you say " I find it impossible to actually take any of the steps suggested? Here are the most common ones: You’re that good, that laid-back all the time, really? Not all niceness is bad, but I have found kindness to be better because it is honest and does not avoid tactful confrontation. There are many free self-tests online and lots of books about it. How to learn say "no"? "One does not become good by doing good deeds. It's great to be polite, but let your personality show. He was old enough and high enough ranking (he was on the clinic board) that he was not a frightened scared rabbit like some doctors are in the face of the whims of their huge corporate employer. And I think besides being nice and kindness we need to add a bit of Grace to that mix. Just get it done. And it makes your way through the day much easier. Here are the don’ts that I had learnt from her : People take you for granted. But when you’re too nice, that’s when your problems begin, and believe it or not you may find yourself dealing with situations that you were not ready for. All Good. None of these mind games get to the root of the problem. Practice. He did not rush our appointments, he explained everything to me in detail including alternative treatments, asked my decision, and he abided by it. I have been to nice and not sure that is a real problem. Goes to show we all see things differently. Being agreeable to medical middleman has absolutely destroyed the economics and practice of medicine. We recently went through the difficult process of removing a coworker- you can only imagine. One night, you slip in and out of his window and a few days go by and he's found dead in his own home. 4. If you can’t tell at the time, wait, and continue to ask yourself how you truly feel; something will eventually emerge. This means you don’t really have boundaries when it comes to shutting people out that don’t meet your friendship demands. They always give others the benefit of the doubt, are ready to give a hand, or volunteer for that task that no one wants. I have cut out the users . I'm Mouna a freelance writer, yes I had just started but I already have an article that had been published in Db Advisors. Between the pre-compromise and internalization, you never say what you truly want and feel, you're not being really honest and emotionally intimate. Work with a woman about 10 years older who has a fair amount of issues but has been a solid coworker. I can be very frank with people when it's warranted, but to interpret nice as a bad thing is looking at this from the wrong side. I’ve seen this happen numerous times. You are kind and considerate and see that we are all struggling on this tiny dot of speck in the vast universe; you treat others the way you’d like to be treated. They’re sensitive to the feelings of others, easy to be around, and rarely if ever argue. 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